#1 - How to Win Friends and Influence People
The first and foremost book that everyone should read.
This is my first and foremost post.
And that’s why I want to start by the first and starting book everybody should read in their life. And the book is “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
Now explaining the layout, what I’ll be doing is to mention the highlights of the book keeping the structure of the book intact.
The book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is the book that pioneered the concept of improving the social situations and how to tackle them and to improve them.
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Highlights
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive.
People don't criticize themselves for anything no matter how wrong it may be.
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment.
Let's realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself and herself, and condemn us in return; or, like the gentle taft will say; "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have.
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do.
Principle 1 - Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
The Big Secret of Dealing With People
And that is by making the other person want to do it.
Dr Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is "the desire to be important"
The desire to be great. It is what Dewey calls the desire to be important.
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
"I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people", said Schwab, "the greatest asset I posses and the way to develop the best that is in the person is by appreciation and encouragement.
I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.
Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.
Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.
Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed.
Principle 2 - Give honest and sincere appreciation.
He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who can't walks a lonely way
Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire.
First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who can't walks a lonely way.
If there is one secret to success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own.
Customers like to feel that they are buying - not being sold.
So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve other has an enormous advantage.
People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.
If increased tendency to think always in terms of other people's point of view, and see things from their angle - if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily be building blocks of your career.
Self expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.
Principle 3 : Arouse in other person a eager want.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
Do This and You'll Be Welcome Anywhere
You knew by some divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all humans failures sprung.
I never forget that to be genuinely interested in other people is a most important quality for a salesperson to possess - for any person for that matter.
If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people - things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.
If we want to make friends, let's greet people with animation and enthusiasm.
"We are interested in others when they are interested in us."
A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two way street - both parties benefit.
If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind.
A Simple Way to Make a good impression
Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, "I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you."
People who smile, he said 'tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. That's why encouragement is a much more effective device than punishment."
The effect of a smile is powerful - even when it is unseen.
You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you. You don't feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.
Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.
Everybody in the world is seeking happiness - and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
Wherever you go out of doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost'drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put a soul into every hands clap. Do not fear being misunderstood and don't waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal.
Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into the particular individual... Thought is supreme.
A man without a smiling face must not open a face shop.
Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who sees it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when that someone is under pressure from his bosses, his customers, his teachers or parents or children.
For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!
If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble
Average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together.
And the ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contacts as it is in politics.
The importance of remembering and using names is not just the prerogative of kings and corporate executives. It works for all of us.
We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by a person with whom we are dealing and nobody else.
The name sets the individual apart, it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with a name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.
Principle - Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in the language.
An Easy Way to become a Good Conversationalist
I had listened intently. I had intently, because I was genuinely interested. And he felt it. Naturally that pleased him. That kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone.
There is no mystery about successful business intercourse... Exclusive attention about successful who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.
Listening is just as important in one's home life as in the world of business.
So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person's toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one's neck interests one more than 40 earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.
Principle 4 - Be a good listener. Encourage other to talk about themselves.
How to Interest People
For Roosevelt's knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures about.
Principle 5 - Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
How to Make People Like You Instantly
If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can't radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of other person in return - if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.
Always make the other person more important.
Desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said ; The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
It is the urge that has been responsible for civilization itself.
So let's obey the golden rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us. - How? When ? Where? The answer is : All the time, everywhere.
Little phrases such as "I'm sorry to trouble you., Would you be so kind as to?, Won't you please?, Would You mind?, Thank You - little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life - and incidentally they are the hallmark of good breeding.
The life of many a person could probably be changed if only someone would make him feel important.
Our deep desire to feel important. To help me never forget this rule, I made a sign which read "YOU ARE IMPORTANT". This sign hangs in the front of the classroom for all to see and to remind me that each student I face is really important.
The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you realize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.
Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn from him.
To see what he could honestly admire.
I frequently reinforce this by expressing my appreciation for what she does and showing her how important she is to me and to the restaurant.
"Talk to people about themselves" said Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men who ruled the British Empire. "Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.
Principle 6 - Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
How To Win People to Your Way of Thinking
You Can't Win an Argument
I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument - and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will.
Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love and misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and sympathetic desire to see the other's person's viewpoint.
Yield larger things to which you show no more than equal rights; and yield lesser ones though clearly your own. Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.
Perhaps the disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
Distrust your first instinctive impression : Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best.
Control temper: Remember, you can measure the size of person by what makes him or her angry.
Listen First: Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Don't resist. defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don't build higher barriers of misunderstanding.
Look for areas of agreement: When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
Be honest: Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
Promise to think your opponents's ideas and study them carefully: And mean it. Your opponents may be right. It is lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: " We tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen."
Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest: Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
A sure way of making enemies - and how to avoid it.
You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just fair and open and broad minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong.
If we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our hearts. We are incredibly heedless in the formation of our beliefs, but find ourselves filled with an illicit passion for them when anyone proposes to rob us of their companionship.
Our self esteem which is threatened... The little word "my" is the most important one in human affairs, and properly reckon with its the beginning of wisdom.
The resentment aroused when doubt is cast upon any of our assumptions leads us to seek every manner of excuse for clinging to it. The result id that most of our so called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do.
When someone expresses some feeling, attitude or belief, our tendency is almost immediately to feel "that's right" or "that's stupid", "that's abnormal" , "that's reasonable" or " that's incorrect", Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person."
When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broad mindedness. But not if someone else is trying to ram the unpalatable fact down our esophagus.
If you want some excellent suggestions about dealing with people and managing yourself and improving your personality, read Benjamin Franklin's autobiography.
I judge people by their own principles - not by my own.
In other words, don't argue with your customers or your spouse or your adversary. Don't tell them they are wrong, don't get them stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.
Principle 2: Show respect for the other person's opinion's. Never say " You're wrong."
If You're Wrong, Admit It
That policeman, being human, wanted a feeling of importance ; so when I began to condemn myself, the only way he could nourish his self esteem was to take the magnanimous attitude of showing mercy.
If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn't it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? Isn't it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips?
Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say - and say them before that person has a chance to say them. The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized.
There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one's errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problems created by the error.
Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes - and most fools do - but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one's mistakes.
When we are right, let's try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong - and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves - let's admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. Not only with that technique produce astonishing results; but, believe it or not, it is a lot more fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.
By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.
Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
A Drop of Honey
If a man's heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can't win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realise that people don't want to change their minds. They can't be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may be possibly led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.
If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to his reason.
The use of gentleness and friendliness is demonstrated day after day by people who have learnt that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.
Kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world. Remember what Lincoln said: " A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall."
Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way.
The Secret of Socrates
In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing - and keep on emphasizing - the things on which you can agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of the method and not of purpose.
Get the other person saying "Yes" at the outset. Keep your opponent, if possible, from saying "No".
When you have said "No", all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself.
Hence it is of very greatest importance that a person be started in the affirmative direction.
The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of "Yes" responses. This sets the physiological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction. It is like the movement of a billiard ball.
When a person says "No" and really means it, he or she is doing far more than saying a word of two letters. The entire organism - glandular, nervous, muscular, - gathers itself together into a condition of rejection. There is, usually in minute but sometimes in observable degree, a physical withdrawal or readiness for withdrawal.
When to, the contrary, the persons says "Yes", none of the withdrawal activities take place. The organism is in a forward- moving, accepting, open attitude. Hence the more "Yess", we can at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention for our ultimate proposal.
It often seems as if people get a sense of their own importance by antagonizing others at the outset.
That it is much more profitable and much more interesting to look at things from the other person's viewpoint and try to get that person saying "Yes, Yes."
His whole technique, now called "The Socratic Method", was based upon getting the "yes, yes" response. He asked questions with which his opponents would have to agree. He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful, of yesses. He kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.
Principle 5 - Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints
They won't pay attention to you while they have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.
I discovered, quite by accident, how richly it sometimes pays to let the other person do the talking.
Letting the other person do the talking helps in family situations as well as in business.
Almost every successful person likes to reminisce about his early struggles.
Even our friends would much rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about ours.
If you want enemies, excel your friends, but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.
Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they - or at least some of them - will feel inferior and envious.
Principle 6- Let the other person do a great deal of talking.
How to Get Cooperation
No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.
Letting the other person feel that the idea is his or hers not only works in business and politics, it works in family life as well.
In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.
The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.
Principle 7 - Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
A Formula That Will Work Wonders For You
Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic gasp of the other person's viewpoint.
Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other's person ideas and feelings as important as your own. Starting your conversation by giving the other person the purpose or direction of your conversation, governing what you say by what you would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your ideas.
Ask yourself: "Why should he or she want to do it? True, this will take time, but it will avoid making enemies and will get better results - and with less friction and less shoe leather.
I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer.
An increased tendency to think always in terms of the other person's point of view, and see things from that person's angle, as well as your own - if you get only one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping stones of your career.
Principle 8 - Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
What Everybody Wants
The magic phrase to stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will. Here it is - I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.
Remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning, deserve very little discredit for being what they are: Feel sorry for poor devils, Pity them. Sympathize with them. Say to yourself: There, but for the grace of the God, go I.
Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.
For the same purpose adults.. show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness, especially details of surgery operations. "Self Pity" for misfortunes real or imaginary is, in some measure practically a universal practice.
Principle 9 - Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
An appeal that Everybody Likes
The fact that all people you meet have a high regard for themselves and like to be fine and unselfish in their own estimation.
That a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and the real one.
The person himself will think of the real reason. You don't need to emphasize that. But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So, in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives.
I am convinced that the individuals who are inclined to chisel will in most cases react favorably if you make them feel that you consider them honest, upright and fair.
Principle 10 - Appeal to the nobler motives.
The Movies do It, TV does it. Why Don't You Do It?
Principle 11 - Dramatize Your Ideas.
When Nothing Else Works, Try This
The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I don't mean in a sordid money getting way, but in the desire to excel.
The desire to excel! The challenge! Throwing down the gauntlet! An infallible way of appealing to people of spirit.
All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to the death, but always to victory was the motto of the King's Guard in ancient Rome.
The one major factor that motivated people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job.
That is what every successful person loves; the game. The chance for self expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes foot races. and hog calling and pie calling contests. The desire to excel. The desire for feeling of importance.
Principle 12 - Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offence Or Arousing Resentment
If you must find fault, This is the Way to Begin
Principle 1 - Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
How to Criticize - and Not Be Hated For It
Calling attention to one's mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.
Principle 2 - Call attention to one's mistakes indirectly.
Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
It isn't nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.
Admitting one's own mistakes - even when one hasn't corrected them - can help convince somebody to change his behavior.
Principle 3 - Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
No One Likes to Take Orders
He always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves; he never told his assistants to do things; he let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes.
A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors. A technique like that saves a person's pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.
Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time - even if the order was given to correct an obviously bad situation.
Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.
Principle 4- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the Other Person Save Face
Letting one save face! How important, how vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it!
We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threat, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person pride.
Whereas a few minutes thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude, would go far toward alleviating the sting!
Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.
I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.
A real leader will always follow...
Principle 5 - Let the other person save face.
How to Spur People On to Success
Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit, we can't flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.
Use of praise instead of criticism is the basic concept of BF Skinner's teachings. This great contemporary psychologist has shown by experiments with animals and with humans that when criticism is minimized and praised emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.
Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.
Let me repeat: The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.
Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Starting the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possess powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use.
Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement. To become a more effective leader of people, apply...
Principle 6 - Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be 'hearty in yourt approbation and lavish in your praise.'
Give a dog a good name
In short, if you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.
Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him. But give him a good name - and see what happens!
Principle 7 - Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
Tell your child, your spouse or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve.
But use the opposite technique - be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it - and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.
Principle 8 - Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Making People Glad to do What You Want
Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
make-a-person-happy-to-do-things-you-want-them-to-do-approach.
The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior:
Be sincere. Don't promise anything that you can't deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it other person really wants.
Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
Match those benefits to the other person's wants.
When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit. We could give a curt order like this: "John, we have customers coming in tomorrow and I need the stockroom cleaned out. So sweep it out, put the stock in neat piles out the shelves and polish the counters." Or we could express the idea by showing John the benefits he will get from doing the task: "John, we have a job that should be completed right away. If it is done now, we won't be faced with it later. I am bringing some customers in tomorrow to show the facilities. I would like to show them the stockroom, but it is in poor condition. If you could sweep it out, put the stock in neat piles and polish the counter, it would make us look efficient and you will have done your part to provide a good company image.
It is naive to believe you will always get a favorable reaction from other persons when you use these approaches, but the experiences of most people shows that you are more likely to change attitudes this way than by not using these principles - and if you increase your successes by even a mere 10 per cent , you have become 10 per cent more effective as a leader than you were before - and that is your benefit.
People are likely to do what you would like them to do when you use ....
Principle 9 - Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.